ramblings

Now that I have been a mom for 8 whole weeks, I guess I consider myself somewhat of an expert. Or maybe not. Motherhood is a wonderful thing, but I would be lying if I said it was just what I always expected. It’s not even close! All I ever thought about was having a little baby to hold and cuddle and love. I never thought I would be one of those moms that worry about the silliest things. But I do. I never realized just how much you can love a tiny little person who really can’t give a lot back. (I mean she does, but it’s not like she is telling me she loves me too.) But I really do love her more than I could ever express. I never thought that a newborn would take so much of my time or be so much work. But she does. So, motherhood. Not exactly how I envisioned, but I don’t think I’d change much about it. I feel silly when I worry about things when I know I shouldn’t. Like when she goes 6 hours without eating during the day. Or when she goes too many days without pooping. Or when I worry about her cognitive development, am I fostering it enough? Do I need to listen to Mozart more often? I mean it’s all silly stuff. She is safe and warm and very loved, she’ll be fine. So I might feel silly about these worries, but I’m glad that she is here and that I’m the one lucky enough to be able to worry about her. Sometimes I wish she was old enough that she showed more of a preference for mom. That just every once in a while I could do the same thing that dad or grandma or papa was doing, but it would work just because I’m mom. But I know it will come soon enough and the beauty of it is that I don’t need that reciprocation, I just love her. How could you not love this tiny, perfect, innocent little person? Even if she is a lot of work. :) Yes, I was one of those crazies who thought I’d stay at home with my sweet little baby AND have lots of time to do all the scrapbooking that’s built up, learn how to sew a few things, read all the books on my list, etc. It has been eye opening that is for sure. Brennan would get home at the end of the day and ask me what I did. Eventually I had to tell him to stop asking. I hate it! The end of the day rolls around and I think, what do I have to show for it?! It is amazing how little I can accomplish in one day. :) And when he makes me verbalize that fairly pathetic list of accomplishments it can be a little disheartening. I try to remember that Tatum is safe, healthy, and happy and that’s most important, but it’s still better when he just avoids that general question. So I don't have as much time as I thought I would and I worry about silly things but check out these perfect little hands and perfect little toes, how can I complain?
I can't. Being a mom is the best.