As D-day approaches I find myself thinking more and more about the fact that I am going to be a mom. A real life mom. I think for the majority of the pregnancy, I have just pictured being a mom to a little, cute as a button, baby. Maybe even envisioned the act all the way up to the baby's first birthday. But lately, as reality sets in and I realize that this is happening, and it's happening soon, I have started to think about how this baby is going to turn into a seven year old, and then an awkward pre-teen/early teen, and then a dramatic teenager and on and on. If I'm going to be honest I will have to admit that sometimes I panic a little. Or a lot. It is much harder to imagine myself capable of being a mom to older children than to little babies. This is not to say I'm not excited or that I am having regrets. Not at all! Sometimes it's just a little bit of an intimidating task.
I was really thinking about this one day on my long drive home from work. I was thinking about my mom (and my dad for that matter) and how they are just as much parents today as they were 36 years ago when they were just starting their family. I mean, I expect them to know everything. I always have and it looks as though I always will. It was just a few weeks ago that I called my mom, expecting her to be able to explain my medical insurance and billing to me. I mean she works at a doctor's office, plus she has had 5 kids, so certainly she must know. Haha. Even just today, I called both my mom and my dad because Brennan called to tell me he saw a mouse in our kitchen. Surely they must be able to tell me how the mouse got in and if he came alone and what I need to do about it. Why? Well...because they are mom and dad. See folks, this is what I'm talking about (because I am positive you have not been able to make sense of my random ramblings) I don't know anything. Really, I don't. And this little baby is going to grow up to be a child, a teenager, and an adult who will ask me questions!! How on earth am I supposed to handle that? I'll probably just end up telling her to call her Grandma or Papa. :) Or better yet, I will get the answers from them and then tell her so I look smart. Really I just rely on my parents a lot. And I am lucky enough to be able to do that. But now it's my turn to be the parent and this little one is going to rely on me. A lot. For everything, in fact. EEEk.
In all seriousness I am beyond excited to be a mom. It is what I have wanted my entire life. Am I intimated by the task that lies ahead? Most definitely. But for now I think I'll just keep picturing my life with a beautiful little baby in it. Hopefully she won't ask questions that are too tricky before I am ready. :)
On a related note, a high school friend of mine convinced me that I would want pictures of my big fat pregnant belly and that I would think it was fun to see how it grew. So we have been taking pictures fairly regularly, despite my feeling silly and complaining each and every time. So here's my belly progress for your enjoyment. Go ahead and laugh at me.
And now I'm at 35. For the record, my friend was right. It is kind of fun to see. And when your body is changing so gradually it sort of begins to feel like you were always huge. So it's nice to look back and see that was actually smaller anyway.